September 12, 2009


Rule #18:Your front yard is not a landfill; nor is it a storage unit.

My dog-walking route takes me past countless yards that are littered with junk. The junk stays there day after day. The kitchen supplies (kettle, plates, vases, etc.) on this table have been there for over a year.

Note the Christmas lights.

Again, this isn't a temporary pile of dirt. It's been there since I moved to Mira Mesa (in early 2008).

It may just be me, but mounting Buddha on a pile of rocks seems sacrilegious.

September 10, 2009

Creepy Statues

Rule #17: Statues rarely look good. It is unfortunate that Mira Mesans seem to be obsessed with them.  They don't just have one or two; they have families of statues.  Case in point:

For some reason, this angel-boy-pelican statue combination sends shivers down my spine.

Downright creepy ...not to mention pretty damn kitschy.

If you look very closely, you may be able to see
the house that is buried behind massively overgrown

This is uglier than it is creepy.

September 08, 2009

Antenna Farm

Rule #16: Mounting multiple massive antennas on your roof does not improve your sex appeal/virility. Similar to “the small penis car” concept, antennas don’t trick anyone. You may have thought that appendages towering up from your roof would be a chick magnet, but I'm here to tell you that they aren't. I promise.

Homeowners’ Associations can be overbearing and annoying, but in this case, the presence of an HOA would have been a welcome relief. Goodness knows what these antennas are for – I’m praying they’re part of a ham antenna system.

E.T. phone home?

September 06, 2009

Plant Self-Care

Rule #15: Instruction tags should be removed immediately after planting. They are not decorative ornaments, nor or they meant to be instructions for the plant. This plant obviously failed to follow the watering instructions its owner so lovingly left hanging from its neck.

One couldn’t have asked for a more fitting final touch to this portrait of life and hope than the stray plastic shopping bag.

September 04, 2009

Welcome to My Prison

Rule #13: Unless you're aiming for a "detention facility" look, avoid enclosing your front yard with a chain-link fence.

Although this website claims that chain-link fences are "attractive, versatile, and creative," I have struggled to find a single example of a chain-link fence that is remotely attractive or creative. Perhaps you don't want the all American white picket fence, but come on, do you have to go to the other extreme? You may as well add some barbwire to the top for the full "Welcome to my prison" effect.

September 02, 2009

Shopping Cart Thieves

Rule #12: Shopping carts should never be removed from store parking lots.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. Abandoned shopping carts look horrific - they scream "I don't give a *#!@ about my neighborhood!" More importantly, removing shopping carts from parking lots is a crime. Shopping carts are store property and cost between $75 and $100.

...and no, don't try the "I'm just borrowing it" justification. You wouldn't try that with a lawn chair from CVS, so don't try it with a shopping cart from CVS.